Consistent Christian Parenting

Read these words written by the apostle Paul to his "preacher boy" Timothy.

13 Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.
14 Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery.
15 Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all.
16 Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee.  (1 Timothy 4:13-16)

And later...

Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15)

     Paul was very clear with Timothy, that if he was to profit from the word of God, he would have to devote himself to it. There would be effort required. He instructed Timothy, the one he considered to be a son to him, to “neglect not the gift” that was in him, but rather to read, meditate, and give himself wholly to study of the scriptures. He exhorted Timothy to study, so that he could rightly divide the word of truth, and that he might (spiritually) profit from it, so that not only would he have a proper relationship with God, but he might save those that would hear him in the future.

     In studying these passages and others like them, it brings to mind the inconsistency we often show as Christian parents.  Different parents want different things for their children. However, one thing is a shared desire of most parents in the world; that our children would grow up to be the best they can be at whatever it is they do.  Let me share a couple examples with you...

     When I was in the fourth grade, a local music store brought different concert band instruments to the elementary school for us to try. Obviously they wanted to get us hooked so our parents would spend money, and it worked. I became fascinated with music, and immediately wanted to get an instrument so I could join the band. My parents, probably partly not wanting to waste money, but ultimately to teach me a life lesson, made it clear that if I was going to join something, I was going to be committed to it. They would not be spending their hard earned money on something so that I could make noise a few times and then walk away from it. Over the years, I continued to play a horn, and they did everything they could to ensure I would (to quote a late 20^th century Army slogan) “be all that I could be.” They, using their God given authority, insisted that I practice a minimum of 30 minutes a day. I was not allowed to “skip” a group practice. There was no option of missing a rehearsal or performance. I had the option each year not to return to the band, but each year I would choose to take part, and each year they would make sure I was giving it my all. As I got older, and realized that I might want to have a career in music (If only I knew then what I know now!). They got me a private instructor. They would pay for the lessons, and I was to be at every one on time, and practice what I had learned on my own time between lessons. Their insistence that I work hard and be committed resulted in profit. Not only did I have a reputation locally as a competent musician, but I had two full scholarships offered to two state colleges by the time I graduated high school.

     Leaving that aside for a moment, consider all of our children: I don't doubt that we all encourage our kids to get the best education they can get. We make them do their homework, and go to school whether they want to or feel like it, unless they have a severe illness. We go to open houses and parent teacher conferences. We buy whatever school supplies they need. We keep up with their grades and test scores, and when we see them struggling, we step in to try and correct the problem. We decide early on that if they are going to fail, it's going to be in spite of us doing everything we can to help them succeed. We will impose our authority to be sure they are doing the things they need to do in order to achieve the goals we have for them.

     If you are a Christian parent, I would hope you have these goals for your child; to grow up to have a deeply rooted faith, and to become a productive Christian adult. If you're like me, you desire for your children not only to grow up to be faithful church attenders, but actual servants of God, ministering to those around them. My goal for my son to be the best Christian he can be, serving in whatever way God has in mind for him.

     Now, consider this: My parents knew I wouldn't automatically become a competent musician, simply because they wanted that for me. We all know our children won't become highly educated adults, just because we desire that for them. We recognize that the only way those things will happen is if they follow a strategy to reach those goals. It's going to require hard work. It's going to require our children doing things that sometimes they may not feel like or want to do. We, as their parents, were given by God the authority to demand these things of them, so that they will reap the benefits as adults.

     And yet, how do we as parents handle their children's spiritual lives? If we were consistent, we'd have to encourage them to take every opportunity to learn about Christ they can. We'd make sure they never missed a church service unless they had a really good reason. We'd make sure they were reading their Bible every day. We'd make sure they had their memory verses done. We'd make sure they always brought their Bibles to church. We'd keep in touch with their Sunday School teachers to see how they're doing. We'd sit down to read and study the Bible at home with them. If they were struggling spiritually we would find help for them if it fell outside the realm of our own knowledge.

     Just because a child has been saved does not mean they will automatically grow up to be God-fearing, Bible-believing, doctrinally sound, faithfully serving adults! We sit down with my son every night to go over his spelling words for his weekly test at school. I hate to admit it, but we don't always remember to go over his memory verses for Sunday School at church. And that is but one way in my own home I saw an inconsistency that needed fixed. If we understand that every other area of our children's lives require commitment, work, devotion in order to be profitable in the long run, we cannot pretend not to understand that their spiritual growth requires the same! We must commit to consistency!

     But wait... consistency would just mean equality, wouldn't it? It would just mean we were treating the things of God as equally important to the things of the world. Let's remember this passage in Colossians 1 that speaks of Christ...

16 For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:
17 And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.
18 And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence. (Colossians 1:16-18, emphasis added)

     Preeminence doesn't just denote that He chronologically came first, but that He is worthy of first place, above all things. Him having the preeminence means we don't just treat Him equally well, but rather that we put serving Him above everything else in our lives. 

     The most important thing your child (and yourself) has to do in this life, aside from accepting Christ as Saviour in the first place, is to be the best servant of God, the best minister of the gospel they can be. We don't just need to give God equal time and commitment, we need to give Him more than anything else. This is going to require some work on our part as parents. We're going to have to make the hard choices. We're going to have to make our children do the things that are required to become what we know they should grow up to be. We're going to have to demand that they are faithful to God's house, faithful to church functions, faithful to personal Bible reading and study. We must impose our authority when we have to: We do it in every other area, so we certainly must do it for what's really important.

     Of course, if we expect them to do these things, it is going to require that we do them as well. I've already had moments where my son asks a question about his homework, and I have to say, “Hold on a minute,” and study ahead of him so that I can help him. We need to be “studied ahead” of our children, so that we can help them with spiritual things as well. But that's another thought for another day.  Thanks for reading!