I Don't Believe in Forcing My Child to Go to Church

“I don't believe in forcing my child to go to church. When they get older they can make that decision for themselves.”

     How many times have you heard this from a self-proclaimed “Christian” friend?  Maybe you've even said it yourself.  It is most often stated with confidence that this parenting choice is more open-minded than that of the typical Christian parent, or sometimes even more spiritual because “If I force them to go, then they'll just rebel later.  This way their faith is more personal.  They'll resent me if I force them.”  I'm glad this parent is apparently concerned that their child has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, but they are terribly misguided.  Most importantly, it goes against scripture...

Ephesians 6:1-4
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

     And I wonder, is it even consistent with how we handle other areas of our children's upbringing?  Let's consider a discussion of a child's physical health...

Preacher: Do you force your child to go to the doctor when they are ill, even if they don't want to?

Parent: Yes.

Preacher: Why do you do it?

Parent: Because if they don't get help, their sickness could get worse, and maybe even permanently affect them. They could die if the illness is serious and goes untreated long enough!

     Do you realize that the greatest problem that can exist within your child is sin?  The Bible says in Romans 5:12 “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:”   Your child is a sinner, both by nature and by choice.  We all are.  I know we like to think our children are perfect little angels, but the Bible is clear; “ALL have sinned...”  And if your child is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, they are old enough for God to hold them accountable for their sins, just as their earthly parents do.  If they don't learn the remedy for their “sin sickness” (Jesus Christ, the Saviour!) and accept Him, they will die and go to Hell for all eternity.  Even in this life, a wall of sin standing between them and God prevents them from enjoying a life of his guidance and blessing.

     And if they are unsaved, are you willing to gamble with their eternal soul from that time they are accountable for their sin until they (on their own by some miracle) decide, “Hey, maybe I ought to go to church.... even though my parents didn't go... even though they didn't seem to think it was important that I go when I was a kid?”

     Here's the simple fact:  If you don't have your children in church at a young age, they likely will never go.  According to Barna research, “The data shows that if a person does not accept Jesus Christ as savior before the age of 14, the likelihood of ever doing so is slim."  Barna Research went on to say, "if they’re not saved by age 13, they probably never will be.”  Less than 1 out of 4 Christians actually accepted Christ after their 21st birthday.  Not having your child in church at a young age, and consistently throughout their youth (as long as they are under your roof) is giving Satan a huge advantage in the fight for that child's soul.

    I know. The next argument is, “but what about the parent whose child has made a profession of faith at a revival, vacation bible school, youth rally, etc. They have accepted Christ, so it doesn't matter as much, right?”  WRONG.  Read Matthew 13:1-9 or numerous other passages concerning someone who has just received the gospel.  The hardest time in the Christian life is immediately after you've accepted Christ.  That first day, month, year, etc.,  Satan knows that you are still relatively ignorant to God's word.  You know what Jesus died for you, but you don't know how to fight off evil influence, avoid temptation, stand strong in our faith, confidently serve God as He's called you to do.  The best thing Satan can do, even if he has lost his chance at your child's soul, is convince them that there is nothing more to the Christian life than salvation.  He will tempt them into all manner of sin, and use their life as a stumbling block for others.  If he can convince a Christian to live like the world, then others look at that person and say, “See? There's no difference in them. There is nothing to this 'Jesus' stuff.”  Every Christian lives as a testimony of Jesus Christ. Either our life shows His power and goodness, or it lies to the world about who He really is and what He can really do in the life of others.

Ok, another imaginary conversation:

Preacher: Do you force your child to go to school, even if they don't really want to go?

Parent: Yes, of course.

Preacher: Why?

Parent: They need an education if they want to succeed in life. 

     That is very true. Our children need an education.  My question is this: Why do you want them to be prepared for life in every way, except spiritually?  No matter what your child will achieve in their lifetime, no matter what occupation they choose, no matter how much money they make, the most important thing they can have is a solid knowledge of God's word.  It is this knowledge that will help them have peace in the midst of a difficult life.  It is this knowledge that will keep a gun or drugs out of their hand when everything around them falls apart.  If you truly are a Christian, I guarantee there has been some point in your life that, without your faith, you don't know what you'd have done.  If you haven't been there, you will be.  Why do you think that this precious knowledge is not as important as “reading, 'riting, and 'rithmetic?”  You wouldn't let your child grow up without the knowledge found in imperfect textbooks, so why are you are willing to let your child grow up ignorant of God's perfect word?

Alright, last one...

Preacher: Does your child play a sport?

Parent: Yes.

Preacher: Do you insist that they be committed to their team?  Do you make sure they are at the practices and games?

Parent: Of course.

Preacher: Why?

Parent: Because part of the value of sports is that it teaches children how to be part of a team.  They need to learn commitment and teamwork.  They have a responsibility to their team and teammates.  It gives them good character. 

     I wouldn't argue with any of these things.  My son is a baseball fanatic.  He loves it.  I enjoy helping coach him however I can.  But why does that insistence on commitment only count for a sports team and not for the body of Christ?  No Christian is called to be a lone ranger for God.  The local church is a body of believers.  If your child is saved, they are a part of that body.  They can be a benefit or a hinderance to that body.  You, as a parent, are either a benefit or a hinderance to that local church body.  Consider what God's word says about a local church assembling together:

“Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:25)

     God's word plainly tells us that when the local church is assembled together, we are not to forsake it.  We are to be there with our brothers and sisters in Christ.  This verse says that there are “some” who forsake the assembly, but we are not to be that person.  We are to be there “exhorting one another.”  To exhort is to encourage or strengthen.  We know a sports team is stronger and encouraged by the presence of the individual teammates.  The local church is no different.  And there is no more important team for your child to be committed to than God's team.  Why stress commitment to a group that seeks only a trophy or personal fulfillment, but not to the group that is fighting for the souls of mankind?

     Let me leave you with an uncomfortable truth:  Most parents who say “I won't force my child to go to church” are not truly worried about rebellion later in life, or resentment from their child.  They say so to excuse themselves.  If they insist that their child be faithful to church, that child will realize the hypocrisy of their parents, who pawn them off on a neighbor, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc. to get them there.  If you insist that your child be faithful to church, common decency dictates that you must be faithful as well, and that's the real reason many won't insist at all.  “I am not going to force my child to go to church” really translates to “I'm not ready to stop rebelling against God myself.”

• You “force” your child to maintain their physical health. Insist they maintain their spiritual health as well.
• You “force” your child to go to school and learn about the world. Insist they go to church and learn about the Creator.
• You “force” your child to be committed to a sports team/club so they aren't a hinderance to their team. Insist they are there for their church family so they're not a hinderance to the work of God.

     Stop using an excuse (and that's really all that it is), and if you really don't think church is important, just say so.  Stop lying to yourself.  But I think you know better.

     Better yet, stop making excuses and get in church, and bring your kids with you!  Even if you are already saved, it will change your life and theirs for the better.  After all, there's a reason God didn't take you to Heaven the moment you accepted Christ.  He wants to use you (and your child) for His glory for the rest of your time here.

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6)